Proverbs 18:24

A recent journal entry...

22 July 2013

It's 8:43 at night as I sit down and write this. I wasn't planning on writing tonight but it just kind of hit me. It's the night before I move. It's the closing of one incredible chapter of my life and tomorrow starts a new one. I've spent the last two days packing. It's hard to see the entirety of my first year on my own packed away into roughly twenty boxes. This whole process is kind of scary. Just under a year ago I moved out of my family's home in Huntsville and came to school here in Tuscaloosa. Around this time last year I still didn't have a place to live and I was frantically searching Tuscaloosa for a place to say that I could afford. There was even talk of me moving under the stairs at my friend's house. How Harry Potter is that? That would have been an adventure for sure! Luckily, though, I stumbled across a small efficiency apartment with a bathroom, thankfully, but without a kitchen. I signed my lease and started making plans to move. My entire apartment is roughly the size of my bedroom back home. It's not much but it has been home for the past year. I was so excited to get down here, but when it actually happened I didn't know what to do next. The day I moved, my family and I went to dinner at Jimmy Johns. After that they were gone and I was unsure of what to do next, so I just laid on my bed and stared at my ceiling. That's when I got a call from one of my best friends to come hang out. It was trivia night at Wilhagan's. I needed something fun to take my mind off of the overwhelming day that had just occurred, so this was perfect. He didn't know what he was doing when he invited me to hang out, but that was one of the best nights I've had.

Over the next few months I slowly became acclimated to life on my own, and life in general at the University. I have made some of the greatest friends in just the past year. I have seen so much growth in these people over this year. It amazes me and makes me proud to call them all my friends. Also, if I can brag on myself for a moment, I think I've become a slightly more outgoing person, but it's not what I've done. These people have challenged me, and I'm so thankful for them. There have been hard times, late nights studying, and a few mistakes and hurtful words said. But, without mistakes, we don't grow. I'm so thankful for my friends, new and old.

This year also found me in the middle of such a strong core group of believers. It was hard for me to find a church to call home this year. I'm so used to the family I have back in Huntsville that I felt I was betraying them by moving. It wasn't without much guiding and mentoring that I finally was able to plant myself permanently in one place, and what a blessing that has been. The friends and family I have gained has made such an impact on my life. I'm incredibly thankful that God has put such a place in my path.

However, this year was not without it's struggles. It was extremely difficult for me to be by myself this year, both financially and emotionally. Praise God I was able to find jobs to support myself with. And with such amazing friends, I was able to get through this year. So it was very difficult for me when so many of them left. Some, for just the summer to go back home, and some, gone for good, finding jobs and moving away. Saying goodbye has never been easy for me, not that it's easy for anyone. but I know that my friends are doing fine. It's so great to see and hear them doing great things.

So, in the last night I'll be spending in this apartment, a few topics have come to mind, along with a few passages that relate:

One of the struggles of this year was finding housing for next year. Housing that I could afford with friends that I need. That was a struggle that set me on edge for quite a while. Every option I had that seemed to be perfect kept closing and nothing seemed to be working. But then, as always, God showed me that his plan was better and he was providing. I was asked to serve on the Apartment Ministry Team as a missionary. Bam! My housing was decided. I was then paired up with a great friend of mine. Boom! Another need met. I worried so much, and for nothing! God had it figured out the whole time. So with that, Matthew 6:25-34 was constantly playing in my head. Don't be anxious. God will proved what you need. He allowed me this year on my own to grow me, yet he gave me everything I needed. Let me emphasize that: NEEDED. Believe me, there was plenty that I wanted to do, and some of it I did, but all that I needed was provided. God has been amazingly faithful with what he was provided to me.

Beyond providing me with living, God placed amazing support in my life this year. Excellent quality time spent overlooking neighborhoods atop balconies, enjoying the weather, time away camping, or even stargazing on burial mounds. There was plenty of time spent worshiping through the word and song. God had provided love and friendship in times that I thought I didn't need anyone. 1 John 4:19 says, "We love because he first loved us." and in John 13:35, Jesus says, "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." These have stuck out to me all year, but beyond those, there is one that has deeply resonated this year. Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." I have been so blessed to grow in brotherhood with those that I've met.

So as I sit here among my boxes, I pray that I take to heart what I've learned this year. I pray that I trust God in all things, and I thank God for the friends and family I've been given. I know that they will support me, and guide me with His love and I pray that I use it to spread His name through my apartment and through my campus. I am beyond blessed. I'm not sure I would end this chapter in any other way. Bless God!

Hypocrite, liar, failure. Saved by grace.

-Caleb

I Believe; Help my unbelief!

A New Beginning

My first blog post in quite a while. It feels kind of strange starting again, but I think it'll be worth it. Big things have happened, and are still happening and I've been asked to start writing it down as well as post. So here goes...

A recent journal entry of mine:

12 July 2013

My first journal entry. I'm not really sure how to do this, so I guess the best way to learn is to just start. We've been asked to start journaling as missionaries. That whole idea still kind of freaks me out. Being a missionary is never something I ever thought about. All the missionaries I know are outgoing people with just a great knowledge of God as well as unmatched faith. None of that describes me. I enjoy being around, and at time, even in front of people, but constantly being around a large group of people for extended periods of time is exhausting. After being around a bunch of people, I often need to just slow things down and be with two or three close friends, or even just by myself. That being said, I never thought I would be in a position requiring me to not only invite people into my home, but to talk and hold conversations with strangers. I'm not good at small talk. I think this is seen perfectly at church, of all places, during fellowship time. In the brief moment when we're to walk around and talk to others, I stand in my spot, shaking hands with those around me who either share my thoughts on the subject or with those who thrive in this time, as if it's a game to see who can shake hands and love on the most people. Don't take me the wrong way, I love talking to people, but I can't do it in five minutes. This has made getting to know my new church family extremely difficult. I did this even at my old church. It doesn't matter where I am, I will stand there awkwardly until it's time to sing. I really do like people, it's just that I'm intimidated by them. I can't really explain it at all. 

However, my astonishment with becoming a missionary goes beyond how bad I am with people and into a deeper place. Like I said earlier, I always thought missionaries were people with great faith and an amazing knowledge of God. I frequently feel like that isn't anything that would describe me. I may say a smart, biblical thing on occasion, but if I don't leave the conversation feeling pretentious, I leave feeling like a pseudo intellectual. My knowledge and understanding of God hardly goes beyond what someone could learn in a basic sunday school class. I love learning as much as I can, but I always feel strange telling people things that I've learned, especially if I can't cite where I heard it. But beyond all that, I have a serious struggle with real, adequate faith. I do believe in God, and I do believe that I'm "saved", whatever that even means. But my struggle is giving up. I have the hardest time letting things go and trusting that "God will provide" or that "God is in control." I really do believe that, but it's mostly when it's not my situation and when I'm talking to someone else. However, if you ask me to step away from anything, hand over control to God and just watch, I have a slight panic attack and start worrying. How can I NOT worry when there's nothing I can do. I need to help fix. I have a serious lack of faith when it comes to relying on God, and I now that it's wrong. Through countless church and bible study attendances I've heard the amazing stories of people whose lives were changed simply because of their faith. Their belief that Jesus is who he says he is and does what he promises. The lepers who were healed, the families of sick children who recovered. All these people throughout the bible had radical experience through simple faith in Jesus. As I write this, i can't help but think about the man in Mark 9. His son had a spirit that caused him to not only be mute, but caused seizures as well. This man runs to Jesus and asks for help, to which Jesus replies "All things are possible for one who believes." The man immediately yells, "I believe; help my unbelief!"

 I constantly have that thought in the back of my mind. "I believe! Help my unbelief!" My prayer is that. I know that I believe in God, I know that through grace I am saved, but even more, I know that there is plenty of room for me to believe more. So, if it means anything, I'm now a missionary. Me. Caleb Setzer, the small, scared, unathletic nobody from Huntsville. I'm still not sure what all this journey entails, but I am excited and quite scared. But, I now that if God can orchestrate things in such a way as to call me to reach out to the lost in this city, God can use anyone. With the little faith I have, I have been so graciously blessed with the honor of serving Him.

So my prayer is this: "Lord, I do believe, but in the moments where my faith is gone, help my unbelief."

Hypocrite, liar, failure. Saved by grace.

-Caleb